A quick and dirty list on how to get all of the achievements in this weird-ass game.
Bruno has hatched
You start the game with an egg in storage. Do not eat it or let the cops aboard your ship, and it will eventually hatch.
Ooo it is me
This one is a random spaceship encounter – nothing else to it, just keep playing until it happens.
Cartoon Cookie
One of the items you can fish out of space is a packet of cookies. Once you do, you will earn this achievement.
Time Traveler
You can get this achievement by entering one of the random anomalies you encounter. (Beware, most – but not all – anomalies tend to have negative effects, including the one you are looking for!)
Dead Marudas
You may randomly encounter an “Entertainment” space station. Land on it and ask the bartender for the Dead Marudas (instead of the valuable rocket fuel).
Nerves of Steel
One of the random ship encounters is the intimidating-looking Muderator 600000. The pilot is an old man – simply keep listening to him as long as you can, until he finally allows you to choose a reward. (Don’t skip any scenes!)
Karaoke Shanty Boy
One of the space ships you can encounter has a 5-man crew of pirates. Open communications with them and introduce yourself, and they will sing a song for you.
Lover Boy
There are two ways to get this one.
- Encounter the giant crab space ship and accept the offer from the occupant. (Beware, this may result in a space STD.)
- Encounter the flying saucer, agree to let the pilot on board and then attempt to sleep with them. (You may not succeed in this case and risk taking 10% damage.)
It’s Cosmic
This one is the most time-consuming, because you need
tworandom events to fire in the correct order.
- Encounter the pirate ship (not the 5-man crew – the one with actual sails and only two crew members on screen.) Open communications, then fire on them with the laser (-1 battery, so make sure you keep it on hand!). When they offer you a special item, take it.
- Encounter the medical station (not the multi-coloured one that looks like four marbles, the big weird brown one). Land on it, and offer the special item to the doctors as payment.
If you’re having trouble, you can do what I did and keep restarting until you find the pirate ship before the first planet (i.e. within the first two encounters). Then you have until the end of the map to find the medical station. Good luck!
Volcano God
On the first planet (Purple Haze), go left to encounter a hand which offers you either a glittering box or a shadowy box. Choose the glittering box to get this achievement.
Desperados
On the second planet (Victoricka), choose to get some food. After the woman asks you for some food, you will be challenged to a duel. Accept the duel, and as long as you have at least 1 battery you will win. (If you don’t have any, go to the Energy Bar first.)
Bounty Hunter
Land on the second planet (Victorika) and choose to trade. If you don’t have any money (i.e. you didn’t happen to fish some out of space) they will offer you a quest to track down a bandit. Accept, and either shoot them (-1 battery) or negotiate with them (-5 food) to complete the quest and get this achievement.
Smart Blue
On the third planet (Bipolaria), you can go to the temple and learn the Blue language by selecting VIa Cruxis. (This will either cost 20% health or 1 battery.) If you encounter the Blue after doing so, you will earn this achievement.
Alpha Kiwi Seven
Pretty easy – make it halfway across the map. Once you pass by the sun you will get this achievement.
Wayne Gretzky
Land on the fifth planet (Holas Holas) and keep searching for fuel until you encounter yet more stereotypes. Offer them something they value (like the Snake Oil you can get on Victorika), then challenge them to a hockey match and try to win.
Mission Accomplished
Simple enough – get to the final planet (Station 8). It’s not too hard, just try not to die. (Make sure you keep stocked up on food, save your laser batteries for exploring planets safely, and try not to get a space STD.)
